Tänään on torstai. En saa yöllä unta, joten nukun myöskin pitkään – taas. Ilman työarjen pakottamaa muottia uni tulee vasta yhden ja kolmen välillä yöllä ja herään ilman kelloa kymmenen ja kahdentoista välillä aamupäivällä.

Ehkä tosiaan minulla on se epätyypillinen unirytmi. Saa nähdä, pystynkö kääntämään rytmiä ”normaaliin”, eli unet 23-08 välille. Kunpa pystyisin siihen luonnollisesti. En näköjään pysty.

Tänään on tarkoitus purkaa lasten kerrossängyt ja kasata muukin huomenna Mustankorkealle lähtevä tavara. Näitä ovat mm.

• Olkkarin pöytä
• Lotan vanha tuoli
• Lotan pöytä
• Veeran pöytä
• Kerrossänky
• Iso peili
• Vanha sohva
• Kemikaalit

Kaikki päättyy joskus, niin myös näiden tavaroiden elinkaari.

Kuolema on pyörinyt viime aikoina vähemmän mielessä. Memento mori ja zen-ajattelu ovat auttaneet tähän.

En vielä ryhdy sen kummemin meditoimaan, mutta tämän satunnaisen meditoivan Internet-ihmisen vastauksessa on jotain hienoa:

I used to think about death from a very young age. When I was one year old, I had spinal tuberculosis and miraculously survived after three major surgeries.

Of course, I don’t remember that time, but whenever I saw the scar on my back while I was growing up, I thought. ‘What is life?’ ‘What is death?’ ‘If it was God’s will that I did not die then, what was the reason?’

I was plagued by this question, which led me to study a wide range of religions and philosophies. But I couldn’t find an exact answer. Death meant ’mystery’ to me rather than a source of fear. While seeking the meaning of life and death, I encountered meditation and realized many things naturally.

So now, I would like to briefly summarize the answers I have found regarding death and life.

Death means ‘Disappearing’.

The reason we fear death is because we are afraid of disappearing. Having a world without me would be meaningless, so we’re afraid to disappear and be forgotten from this world. However, when you know what real death is, you’ll also realize that the fear has no real meaning. Actually, falseness disappears when it dies. But the Truth never disappears. That means, if you become Truth then you will never disappear!

Death means ‘Reborn’.

I am not referring to reincarnation, as it is widely known. True death is the death of an false self and being reborn as the true self. And it’s possible in this life right now. When the false self disappears, only the Truth remains. And we must find the Truth in this life. It is thus essential that we experience our own death at least once in our lifetime.

There is no difference between life and death.

From the point of view of the Universe, this world exists forever without a beginning or an end. When you become one with that existence, you realize that death and life are one. Knowing that life and death are no different is the ultimate wisdom. When you truly realize this, the fear of death no longer exists.

Now, to me, death is not a mystery, but life. You can truly live when you die in your mind, and the true life is the absence of death. Where there is neither life nor death, there is true peace of mind and happiness. I have no worries since I exist forever as Universe and to know that is to know everything. All worries come from ignorance. That is why meditation, which allows us to know everything, is what makes us happy. Because happiness is the state of being free from worries.

I hope that all of you who read this article will also realize the true death of the ego and find the meaning of life through meditation!

Mango Kim, 2022